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Stick it to ’em

July 19, 2010

I recently was browsing through the “Politics” section of a used book store and I came across the most interesting “liberal” book…..

I am not going to give you the actual title because I do NOT want to advertise for them, so we’ll just call it……”99 ways to fight against conservatives”…

So….of course, I had to check it out. Besides, it’s always good to know what the enemy is up to…..

And as I opened it, hilarity ensued….

Oh my. This book should not have been under politics. It should have been in the comedy section because it was the funniest thing ever….

I would like to share with you the first “thing you could do to fight conservatives” that jumped out at me….

So, if you’re a liberal, you get a pointer from me. I won’t even charge you….

Here ya go…. one of those things….that liberals can do to fight against us evil right wingers….


Yes, you read that right. The most terrifying thing for a conservative…

…… happen upon a car wielding a liberal bumper sticker.

Now….aside from keeping my gag reflex in working order , liberal bumper stickers don’t do much for me….perhaps because they are usually behind me….I’m a little bit of a speed demon and those little hybrids don’t get in front of me too often….they just can’t scoot that fast….

and of course the slower you drive, the more gas you save, and the more gas you save, the cleaner Mother Earth is and since many liberals view taking care of the earth as their primary religion, then driving 27 miles an hour is more like an act of worship….besides, it’s not like they have jobs to get to or anything….

But….back to the book….

Now, for some reason the author of the book couldn’t just make a list of the 99 things…no…….they had to explain in a great detail how to accomplish each one….

so we got 2 pages on how to put a bumper sticker on your car that will annoy conservatives…*snicker* …….2 WHOLE PAGES….that sounds a bit like “how many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

Ok, I can’t help myself, I have to answer the riddle. NONE. Liberals think light bulbs are evil because they use electricity which is not healthy for Mother Earth and here we go again…………

Now for the fun part ….the book explains first of all that it needs to be a LIBERAL bumper sticker. Imagine that. A book written by liberals, explaining to LIBERALS how to be a better LIBERAL, feels the need to make clear that the bumper sticker needs to be a LIBERAL one….

And then they proceed to give them examples…. Like “Proud to be a Democrat” ( I have news for them, that particular one might get them rear ended right now…) or “Clean Air and Water are my family values”…once again, a moment of silence for Mother Earth…..

I mean, I know that liberals aren’t the smartest folks, but come on. Surely they can figure out what kind of sticker they need.

And here’s the best part . They also advise the reader to put an additional PATRIOTIC bumper sticker….RIGHT BESIDE the liberal one….to ensure other motorists that just even though they’re a liberal, they are also patriotic (I guess even they realize that the 2 are not mutually exclusive) …. Which would be funny, if it weren’t so sad…

Moving along…..

And then they go further by telling their liberal comrades just what a patriotic bumper sticker looks like….

once again, they give examples….

the first example they tell the reader is to look for a “God Bless America” sticker….which ironically, they’ll probably have to go to a CONSERVATIVE website to find THAT particular one…..

But, I have to ask if that was the wisest example to give the liberals?

…I mean, considering there are so many Muslims and Atheists that are liberals, I figure they’re leaving out about 75% of their own party….

Finally…. the most hilarious part was that right after they tell the liberals to put a LIBERAL bumper sticker on their car….the very next paragraph tells them HOW TO TAKE IT OFF … I guess they figure that will come in handy in a week or two when another Democrat does something stupid and they are embarrassed to be associated w/the party…. But, hey, I admire that rare ability of liberals to actually think ahead…

The end of section on bumper stickers gives the readers a few liberal websites that they can go to and order the bumper stickers…. and there is nothing wrong with that…Conservatives have their own sites also….but one in particular caught my attention…. It was —– —- interesting…. I have to admit that I wondered why that site was necessary….couldn’t it have just been….it’s all the same right??

And in closing, I’ll leave you liberals and your bumper stickers with a little warning:

A story I read:

“Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting….so when asked, one older man replied ‘Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket…We went up to him and said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’ He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi butthead. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him another really ugly name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn’t care… We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age’ .”


From → Politics

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