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THE ONE WHERE A POLITICIAN IS INVOLVED IN A SEX SCANDAL, OR AS I REFER TO IT: A TYPICAL THURSDAY.

February 4, 2013

THE ONE WHERE A POLITICIAN IS INVOLVED IN A SEX SCANDAL, OR AS I REFER TO IT: A TYPICAL THURSDAY.

 

It’s impossible to summarize politics in Washington and have a classy blog at the same time. They just won’t let you. At least not if you’re gonna be honest.

I mean, it would be easier to cover an episode of Honey Boo Boo meets Jersey Shore (wouldn’t THAT be awesome?) and keep it classy than to discuss the political events of Washington with class….

So, I apologize ahead of time. Actually, no I don’t. I am just the messenger with some advice thrown in here and there.

So in the Spirit of all things skanky/ghetto/white trash, let the games begin:

What would a week in Washington politics be without a good old fashioned sex scandal?

BORING! That’s what.

Let just start by addressing the elephant in the room.

Why can’t government employees just pay their bills?

First the secret service doesn’t pay their foreign hookers, so the hookers rat them out.

Random Senator, and by random Senator, I mean Bob Menendez (D-NJ), doesn’t pay his foreign hookers, they rat him out.

See a pattern here?

Moral of the story. There is no wrath like an unpaid prostitute.

Besides, don’t the senate rules clearly say to always pay your hooker in full, plus tips?

More importantly, this is an embarrassment for our country. We can’t have government employees going around the world jipping call girls. It just ain’t right.  Makes us look cheap.

Besides, he’s a democrat, so the sex scandal isn’t really shocking (let’s face it, sex scandals are resume enhancers for Democrats), but I thought Democrats had some moral code about outsourcing jobs. Why hire hookers outside our borders when we have plenty here in the U.S. He could have even done it in Nevada where prostitution is legal…. Oh, wait. UNDERAGE prostitution isn’t though… Ok, I get it… My bad. Carry on.

But for reals, can’t Obama just appoint a sex czar for these guys? No, no, stay with me here, I’m on to something…

The sex czars sole responsibilty will be to introduce Sandra Fluke to all these men feeling the need to hire a hooker. Since (as liberals have screamed for months), she isn’t a hooker, then there will be no tax payer money involved, no money changing hands, it won’t be illegal, and so no scandals, right? See?

The politicians win, the tax payers win and Ms. Fluke gets to have all the free sex she wants. That IS her thing isn’t it? Free sex for women? See? It’s a win/win/win. Everybody wins.

Well, maybe not Bill Clinton, because once he hears there’s a sex czar job opening, he will insist that Obama appoint him. And let’s face it, he IS the most qualified for the position. Except then he would always be introducing Sandra Fluke to himself and the other guys would still be forced to go hire prostitutes and we’re right back to square one.

So maybe that idea won’t work.

Where was I?

Oh yea, Senator, underage hookers, everyone in Washington acts shocked (except they’re not) they’re just glad THEIR hookers haven’t ratted on them. So you can totally see why they are all a little on edge, can’t you?

Of course, Menendez denies it. I think. Maybe I should have paid more attention. He denied something. Depends on the definition of what “is” is…or what “underage” is or “prostitute”…it’s totally confusing…

And Dirty Harry Reid defends him. No shocker there. Plus we ALL know that if Dirty Harry says something, he’s got the goods to back it up. Well, if you don’t count that time when he said Romney had never paid taxes in his life or something like that. Or the time when he took his oath to defend the constitution. Or when…well, you get the point. But, besides all those times, he totally has his facts straight. So rest assured. Nothing happened with the Senator and the prostitutes. Nothing to see here. Move Along.

Really, now, scooch…. Surely there is something else out there the media can distract us with… like oh….looky…Obama has a shiny new gun… look here boys and girls, the President is going to pose for the cameras shoot some skeet. There you go…now don’t you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

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From → Life, Politics

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