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Bladders, Herpes, and Scissors, oh my! The Democrats’ Guide to Beating the Bad Guys.

April 1, 2013

I am horrible person.

A wretched, wretched soul, I tell you.

An Indian giver.

I made a promise and didn’t keep it.


I promised over a month ago that I would continue the recap of the State of the Union Address in a “Part 2”.

And I had every intention.

Problem is…..I would have had to actually finish watching it.

And I tried, I REALLY, REALLY did.

But, a person can only ingest so many lies at one time before their head explodes.

Plus, it was hard to keep up because I was constantly destracted by the urge to glance around me to make sure I was:

(A) Still in America

(B) Not being punked by a bunch people who would eventually soothe my soul by saying, JUST KIDDING, this bag of lies isn’t really the president or

(C) Not in the worst nightmare ever and about to wake up….. 

And…..about the 27th Obama lie, I couldn’t take it any more.  I pushed pause on my remote and physically got up out of my chair and karate chopped the air the in front of the T.V. Oh, yes I did.

Ninja powers not withstanding, I simply decided I couldn’t take it anymore.

And then my personal life got super duper busy (identity theft anyone?) and a month or so later, here we are.

But, in the political world, all kinds of fun things have been happening.

Liberals have been imparting their wisdom from sea to shining sea.

Like, did you know that an STD, pair of scissors and your own urine are your best weapons against a rapist and/or shooter?

And that makes me angry at liberals.  Because I’m thinking WHHHHHYYYY didn’t you tell us this BEFORE??  Think of all the mass shootings that could have been stopped if someone would have had the presence of mind to grab a pair of scissors and stop the shooter.  Apparently, scissors have magical bullet stopping powers and the shooter is unable to pull the trigger of the gun when there are scissors in a 30 ft radius. Good to know. 

I am now going to enroll in scissor ninja training…because I want to be a big scary threat to future mass shooters and the liberals told me that would work.

I wonder if they know that I’m a darn good pillow fighter too… one more resume enhancement can’t hurt.

However, I find in REALLY dangerous terror situations though, rock-paper-scissors work best.  Almost as good as spitballs.

Moving along….

Now, if the bad guy doesn’t want to shoot you, but just wants to rape you, liberals have another set of brilliant ideas

Just think of all the rapes that could have been stopped in their tracks if women would have just said “I have herpes”. Boom. Problem solved.  Unless… your attacker has a condom on hand to protect himself.  But, really, let’s be honest.  There is a HIGH probability the rapist is a liberal.  And that means there’s an even higher probability he already has one STD.  Or 4. Or 20.  Whatever. But, see how I connected those dots??

And to be honest, I was surprised a liberal came up with the idea of using an STD as threat.  I always thought that was sort of a mating call for them…or in the very least, a turn on.

But, you could always still on pee on your attacker.

Unless you have a shy bladder.  Then all bets are off. 

Still I don’t see why we should poo-poo that idea all together.  #ImSoPunny

I mean just think, IF you can muster up a good pee (as opposed to say pepper spray or gunfire), then not only have you warded off an attacker, but you’ve managed to stay environmental friendly…because last time I checked, urine is all natural.

So, if you are about to be raped, pee on your attacker, then we ALL win.

Now… in summary, what have we learned today? First, I am very good at justifying my broken promises. Second, scissors scare really bad people holding guns. Third, rapists are really grossed out by other people’s bodily fluids.

And that, my friends, ends another lesson in stupidity liberal logic.



From → Guns, Life, Politics

One Comment
  1. Well done—-like the pic…at 70, I could still do this. (Can’t do a lot of things-but my eyes and aim are fine.) This old woman just gets meaner and cannot believe the condition we are in.

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