Skip to content
Image

A Liberal Boycott I can Support

image

Every time Sarah Palin Tweets, a Liberal Loses their Marbles

So….the other day I noticed this tweet from Sarah Palin on my Twitter feed:

Sarah Palin Tweet

Cool, I thought, I’ll retweet.

But, then I noticed SEVERAL replies that were nasty and/or mocking and…well, you know, the typical liberal tyrade when it comes to Sarah Palin.

However, when I saw this one, my blood boiled. Not because someone was a jerk, but because it was a so called journalist. A journalist, who, instead of actually being a reporter and reporting what is going on in the country (and there is PLENTY), decides to dig deep and scratch the bottom of the barrel (FOUR YEARS back), for an oldie insult on Sarah Palin…. who was IRONICALLY doing the job this reporter SHOULD have been doing.

walshtweet

And, well…you know me… I couldn’t resist…

JBtweet

Of course, I wasn’t alone. There were several others who pretty much ate this journalist for lunch…

Ahem….let me pause right here and say that as I was typing this blog post, I stopped right at this point and was trying to find a link to an article outlining this woman’s obsession with Palin. Then, I inadvertantly clicked a Twitchy link and BEHOLD the very link I clicked had an article on this whole thing AND I got a TWITCHY SHOUT OUT!! (my tweet mentioned on Twitchy)

WOOT WOOT! (Does anyone say “woot woot!” anymore? No? ok..)

You can find the article with my twitchy mention HERE

And well, now I have totally forgotten about the original article, but there’s no need for it because that Twitchy post explains it well…

But, that’s not all! There’s more! Liberal derangement is the gift that keeps on giving…

I feel like I’m in an infomercial.

This woman clearly needs help because after SHE started the Twitter feud thingy, and received a buttload of backlash, she comes up with this tweet:

walshtweet2

I’m not even kidding….dealing with liberals…yea, it’s like that.

How to Feed Your Kids for Free 7 Days a Week

I am a person of very few talents. However, there are a couple of things I know I was put on this Earth to do. The first is to help others. I do this by cooking for them, comforting them, saving them money, listening to them, educating them and helping their life be better in way that I can. The second thing I just KNOW I was put here to do is to give free advice (mostly unsolicited) to others. Now, you would think that those two things could be lumped into one, but experience has taught me that is not always the case.

I have found that I can do the first thing (helping others), without actually ever employing the second thing (giving advice). It’s tough for a gal like me, but it can be done. I have also found that I can do the second thing (give advice) and it not be really helpful to anyone. It’s ok. I can live with that.

But, every once in a while, those two things collide and I pretty much feel like a superhero. Hello, being helpful and enhancing others’ lives by simply giving advice and not having to include any actual physical work? Genius.

And lucky for you, today happens to be one of those days.

Plus, it involves two of my favorite things. Children and eating out.

Oh….hey now, I can see that scowl on your face, so just stop it. I didn’t say those two things TOGETHER were ever a good idea. But, I do like children and I like eating out. Unfortunately, for most parents, 99% of the time those two things have to happen together or the eating out thing doesn’t happen at all. And let’s face it, some of you have completely given up on the children + restaurants thing. I am not judging you. Oh, no. I get it. I really get it. And that takes me back to the reasons I was put here on this planet. I am going to try to help soften the blow on those sometimes painful exersions of eating out with your children.

I know what you’re thinking. “Yay! She’s going to tell us how to have a peaceful and uneventful family dinner out!”

Woooaaaa…. Back up there Sally. I never said. I NEVER SAID THAT. I am not completely nuts.

I would love to tell you how cure all your “children + restaurant” woes, but mostly, I got nothing.

For example, I wish I tell you how deal with your preschooler who keeps dropping the restaurant crayons under the table. Over and over and over… and if they’re like mine, they wail about it LOUDLY until you crawl under the table and retrieve it. I have tried everything to avoid this scene. And the only advice I can offer is that you need to learn to retrieve that crayon from under that table with ninja like speed, because your child is screaming and the judgmental stares from the other diners are burning a whole in your back, which by now, after 7 trips under the table, has an unidentified sticky substance on it along with a foreign object attached. Stop threatening that if he/she drops it “one more time, I’m not picking it up again…” We all know that isn’t true, so stop lollygagging. Just get the crayon, the sooner the better for everyone involved. Forget bringing your own crayons to replenish the stash …3 year olds are WAAAAY smarter than that and besides your red crayon and the restaurant’s red crayon are not the same… trust me…. or just ask your child.

I would also love to tell you how to solve the problem of your children’s food arriving at the same time as yours and at the same temperature. HOT. Actually, kids’ plates for some reason are always HOTTER, by about 2,891 degrees. Then you have a choice, commence to blowing their food and slapping their hand back at the same time while half whispering/half spitting “hot hot hot, * blow* don’t touch *blow blow blow* hot, stop, it’s hot”, *blow* like some crazed maniac giving your own fingers 2nd degree burns then finally push the plate from the starving child away and tell them to wait until it cools. Then dig into your own plate which happens to be the perfect adult temperature and listen to them scream and wail. (Actually, that’s NEVER advised because then everyone stares at you like you’re the worst parent in all the land.) OR… you do what you and I have always done, offer them some of the cooler food off your plate and you commence to blowing and cooling their food, which, finally, after 15 minutes, is a child friendly temperature. Of course, your child doesn’t want it then because they are full. They ate over half your food.

So you just eat your cold, child-has-already-half-eaten plate, or you eat their kiddie meal, or both. You do this while mentally kicking the kitchen staff in the shins for not realizing that children could pretty much care less if their meal is piping hot and freshly cooked. Let’s face it. They are just as satisfied with a 2 week old, very cold French fry they found between the seats in the car as they are as they are with your super hot chicken strips, corn dog, etc. Actually, they’d probably prefer the old fry. At least then, they could eat at the same time as the rest of the family.

Sadly, I have no real solutions to the aforementioned challenges of eating out with kids, among many others, I know ( Don’t even get me started on public restrooms and children, I don’t have the emotional fortitude to even tackle that subject right now.)

However, I CAN soften the blow just a little….

Like… making those nights out with the kids a little less stressful by saving you money. Did you know that you can eat out with your children and feed them FREE 7 days a week? Yes… EVERY. DAY.

What? You don’t WANT to eat out with your kids 7 days?? You’re not crazy??

Ok. Ok. Calm down. Sheesh…

Just breathe.

At least there are more choices now and regardless of what day of the week you do decide to go, there is a free a meal… or two…waiting for you.

Again, breathe… and then peruse the list of restaurants below and the days they offer free (or almost free) kids’ meals.

It used to be that kids only ate free on Mondays or Tuesdays…and although those are still the most popular “kids=free” days among the food industry, there are certainly more options now for the rest of the week. Be sure and double check with the restaurants on their exact terms and times, as it varies with each restaurant chain and even with each individual restaurant itself, depending on your location.

 

 

MONDAY – IHOP, O’Charley’s, Applebee’s, Quiznos, Chili’s,

TUESDAY – Bennigan’s, Quiznos, Chick-Fil-A, Denny‘s, Godfather‘s Pizza, Golden Corral, Lonestar Steak House, Applebee’s, Marie Callenders, O’Charley’s, Planet Sub, IHOP, Chili’s,

WEDNESDAY– Chili’s, IHOP, Gatti Town, Quiznos, Luby’s, O’Charley’s,

THURSDAY – Quiznos, O’Charley’s, IHOP,

FRIDAY – Quiznos, O’Charley’s, IHOP,

SATURDAY – Marie Callenders, Quiznos, Luby’s, IHOP, O’Charley’s,

SUNDAY – IHOP, Jason’s Deli, O’Charley’s, Planet Sub, Quiznos

 

Funny advice on how to feed your kids for free 7 days a week
Photo source 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Great Rip Off

Contrary to what the title might lead you to believe, this is not a political post.  If you are looking for one of my political posts, click here.  Something more along the religious lines? This one might suit you.  Livin life on the edge and like your politics and religion mixed together? Go here if you dare.

However, this isn’t a story about politics or religion.

This is a story about regrets.

We’ve all done it.

We’ve all had that one time (or many times for some of us) in our lives when we did something stupid  moronic idiotic without thinking…and the moment we did it —The. Very. Moment.—  we regretted it instantly. But unfortunately,  since life doesn’t have a rewind button, most of us are forced to live with the consequences of our life choices, no matter how disastrious they are. 

For me, that one time, was New Year’s Eve about 13 years ago. I had a 6 week old infant and for the first time since his birth, we were getting dressed and finally getting out of the house.

Or so we thought.

Like any mom of a 6 week old, I definitely needed some makeover maintenance. And I got it. The mani-pedi-hair fixins… all of it…and it wasn’t cheap. So, when the lady at the mani-pedi place asked if I wanted her to do my eyebrows, I was thinking “yep, I definitely need that,” and before I could answer, she said “it’s only $7.00”.

ONLY $7.00???!!   I looked at her like a monkey just flew out of her behind.

Ok, first of all, let me explain my amazement at the price..

My mother was a hair stylist when I was growing up and I was her guinea pig.  This meant that I never had to pay for perms, straighteners, highlights, etc. (Well, I PAID for them, trust me, but that’s for another blog post.)  She also did eyebrow waxing and I never had to pay for that either. I never even knew what she charged.  To me, eyebrow waxings = free. 

So, there at the nail salon, I immediately went from eyebrow waxings for free my whole life to eyebrow waxings for $7.00. It was an outrage. Highway robbery is what it was. And being the frugal girl that I am, there was no way I was paying $7.00 for an eyebrow waxing that I could easily do for myself.

Of course I could do it. I watched my mama do it all those years. Ok, maybe I didn’t pay as much attention to the process as I should have, but how hard could it be?

“I’ll just swing by the drug store and pick up some eyebrow wax” I told myself. Then I politely declined the little Asian lady’s offer to wax my brows, while mentally high-fiving myself because I just avoided a major scam/rip off.

So….I promptly drove to the drug store and purchased the $8.99 eyebrow wax kit (to avoid spending $7.00 to have some know it all professional do it) and there were like 16 strips, so that‘s 8 waxings. Boom. $7.00 rip off avoided TIMES 8! And the best part? This wasn’t even really wax! Ha! It was the little strips with the wax built in. No warmer to plug in and heat the wax, no accidentally dropping hot wax on your eyeball, no mess. Just rub the wax strips between your hands for 10 seconds, apply to brow region, and rip.

Easy peasy.

I was totally feeling sorry for the salon gals because obviously they were behind on eyebrow technology.

Fast forward to a couple of days later and it’s New Year’s Eve. Baby is sleeping, hubby in the shower, and mama getting all prettied up to go celebrate the New Year. First thing’s first. Do something about the monster eyebrows. So I get out my little box of miracle strips, opened the box, read the instructions, and did all the preliminaries (face prep, etc).

And here’s where I believe things started to go horribly wrong.

I skipped the stepped that said to test out the strip on a small, unseen patch on your arm or some other inconspicuous  place.  Had I done that, I might have noticed just how powerful and sticky these little strips were. I just simply shluffed it off because I knew I wasn’t allergic to eyebrow wax.

Then I stared at my eyebrows in the mirror and realized I had no idea exactly how to do this, even if I had watched mama do it a hundred dozen times…sort of….

Now, this next step is where I took a bad decision (not testing a sample area) and made it infinity times worse.

I decided the first thing I should do is “thin them out”. Which, in my defense, is totally a beauty/eye waxing term. I always heard my mama talk about eyebrows that needed “thinning out”.

I assumed it meant to make them less dense. All. Over. Ya know, instead of actually making them thinner. I know. I know. I can’t explain my brain process sometimes.

So I warmed the little strip between my hands and laughed a little evil laugh at all the people paying $7.00 for someone to do this for them.  Losers.

And then to begin the “thinning out” process, I applied the wax strip to my whole right eyebrow.  Yes, you read that right.

MY. WHOLE. EYEBROW.

And still, I saw nothing wrong about this picture. I let it sit for the required 3.5 seconds and then…

RIIIPPPPP!!!!!!!

Holy ever lovin’…..

What the WHAT?!

And that’s the moment when I immediately wished I could have a do over. I needed a rewind button and fast (or at least before hubby gets out of the shower). 

And at that point everything that happened in a 2.8 second time slot went in VEERRRYY SLLOOOWWW MOTION… No no no, go back, go back, I kept telling myself…wrong wrong wrong, Jill, YOU DID IT WRONG!

RIIIPP was right… but more like R.I.P. my precious eyebrow.

So after my eyes told my brain what I had just done, my first instinct was to do what any sensible and logic person would do.

I IMMEDIATELY slapped the strip (that was holding my eyebrow hostage) back to my forehead and tried to stick the sucker back on.

*spoiler alert* It didn’t work.

Apparently, I must have let out a little yelp, wimper, or possible an even louder “oh crap” during the process…. because it was while I had my hand to my forehead, willing my bushy brow back into its proper spot, that my hubby stuck his head out of the shower and said “What’s wrong?? You ok??”

“Yea, hun, I’m fine, this eyebrow wax just hurts a little.”

Lies.  All lies.

Why? Why would I lie at that moment? What possessed me to lie to my husband when I knew the truth would eventually come out? And by eventually, I mean the next time he looked at my face.

Denial. I was in denial. And I stayed in denial until I moved my hand and….yep. Eyebrow still gone. Well, not gone, just not where it had been for the last 24 years of my life. Instead it was stuck to some evil cheapo crap of a sticky wax strip.

So when hubby gets out of the shower I said (with hand covering my brow area), “I uh…have a little problem”…but he barely looked up and didn’t seem too concerned… so I continued…

“I kind of messed up my eyebrow when I was waxing it….”

…still not REAL concerned he said non-chalantly : “What do you mean? It can’t be THAT bad, let me see.”

NO.

No way was I letting him see my unibrow self. Uh uh. Forgettaahhaboutit.

Then everything kind of gets blurry looking back on it, but I’m pretty sure I started crying or at least I teared up A LOT… because he said something along the lines of … “Come on, nothing’s ever as bad as you think it is.”

Ok. He WAS my voice of reason. He was the calm to my hyper, drama queen self and could always talk me down off the ledge.

Maybe he had a point. Maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.

So I moved my hand.

And let me tell you. He totally abandoned his role as the “calm” one.

I don’t remember much about what happened next. I think it’s the Post Traumatic Stress thing, but I do recall the looks (yes, PLURAL, there were many looks) on his face as he processed what he was seeing.

It went from shock…. (obviously)

To the “oh I see what you’re doing, funny joke, hahaha, now put your eyebrow back on” look.

To the “Oh dear God in heaven, you aren’t joking…and just when I think you can’t shock me any more, you go and outdo yourself” look…

To pity.

To anger, which was obvious when he yelled screamed said “WHY did you do that?!”

Well, hun, I thought you’d never ask….then he got the whole I’m being frugal, saving money, blah blah blah line from me and then….

I think it was a look of understanding he was displaying because he said “well, how much does it cost to get your eyebrows done at a salon?”

“$7.00” I said.

Noooowwww…back to anger. “WHAT?!….. You did this just to save $7.00????…. Are you serious?? I thought you were gonna say like $200… Like you saved me $200.… but $7.00??   JILL! Listen to me carefully, next time, PAY THE SEVEN DOLLARS. We aren’t that bad off that we can’t afford to fork out $7.00 to avoid stuff like this!”

And then back to pity (prompted by my tears, and now hysterical sobbing)

And then uncontrollable laughter. Yes. He laughed at me. In my sorrow, he laughed.

And laughed. 

And then obviously felt bad for laughing because he then decided to offer up suggestions.

“Just go draw you an eyebrow back on.”

And I can’t even tell you the horrible things I wanted to do to him at that moment.

DRAW my eyebrow back on??

Do I look 97 years old??   Because, only really, really old people do that.

And Mexicans from what I hear. But I wasn’t really, really old and my extreme southern drawl was a dead give away that I wasn’t Mexican. So who would I be fooling? No one.

However, I then had an epiphany. I would just go to the salon (NOT the same one I went to a couple of days before, I still had pinch of self respect left) and they would fix it.

So immediately I called the only salon I could find still open and told the little Asian lady that answered the phone my problem. I ripped off my eyebrow and could she help fix it.  To which she gleefully replied: “Sure, I can fix eyebrow. When you can come? Now? I wait for you.”

And then the “hallelujah” chorus started playing in my head and the world was right again….until I got to the salon.  It was PACKED and so I put my hand over by brow and went in search for the eyebrow savior. She came out and said “ok, I fix you. Let me see.”   I glanced around and not wanting  to move my hand with all the witnesses,  I quietly asked if we could step in the back or something.

And that’s when my world came crashing down and all my hopes and dreams were shattered.

I showed her my eyebrow, or lack thereof, and she said “Oh, no… I can no fix THAT.”

…and then wimpering, I said “but….but….you told me on the phone you could fix my eyebrow….”

to which she proclaimed “Yes, I fix eyebrow. I do good job. But you….you have no eyebrow to fix.   I can fix other one though.”

Huh?  Was she kidding???, I didn’t need the other one FIXED! I needed a freakin eyebrow to match it!! …is what I was thinking… and I know she saw my despair because she said “Come. I do something.”

So, she prettied up my other eyebrow and made it sort of small, I guess to make the missing one not so obvious.  And then she grabbed an eyebrow pencil and said “Only thing I can do. Draw you one.”

“But….I’m not…” oh heck, I thought, who am kidding? It was my only and by only I mean ONLY choice. I would join the ranks of grannies and Mexicans everywhere.

So, she did and then I got her to show me how to do it and just in case the universe wasn’t being mean enough to me that day, she said “That will be $7.00.”

My inner frugal girl wanted to yell at her, ARE YOU KIDDING???!!… it should be like $3.50 because you only had to wax ONE, so I should at least get half price. Maybe $4.00 for the extra artwork, but that’s it.   Heck, she shouldn’t even have charged me at all because she had THE BEST story to share with her co-workers, customers and grand children for years to come talking about the “crazy white lady who thought she was gonna put us all out of business with her fancy, no mess wax strips…who’s laughing now, cracker??” (Ok, Asians don’t call us crackers, but since I don’t know what racial slur they use, I’m going with a familiar one)….    But, alas, I just paid the $7.00 and hung my head in shame (and so no one could see my missing brow as I exited)…pondering the irony of my attempt to avoid a huge rip off resulting in THE BIGGEST RIP OFF (literally, ripped that sucker right off) OF MY LIFE.

And here’s a little known fun fact: If you rip your whole eyebrow off, it will never be the same. EVER.  It grows back all weird and crackadilly like…  And the little Asian women in the future who do your eyebrows will gripe and gripe because they can’t get “that one” eyebrow to look right… but never confess your sins, because it’s kind of fun to watch them struggle with it and question their eyebrow sculpting abilities, blame themselves and then give you a 50% off coupon for your next visit.

Moral of the story:

There is no moral. ‘Cause seriously, I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the world crazy enough to yank my whole eyebrow off…so the only person who needed to be warned by the lesson was me…and trust me, it worked. My other eyebrow has been and will be safe and secure for a long time, or at least until I’m 97.

And since I didn’t have the forethought to snap a picture of myself missing an eyebrow, I thought I’d post a picture of a bunch of other people missing theirs.

eyebrows

7 Things That Teachers Wish Parents Knew

7 THINGS THAT TEACHERS WISH PARENTS KNEW….

Ask most teachers what their biggest obstacles are in doing their job and I would guess that well over half would say “the parents”… maybe even more than that.

Kind of sad huh?

Notice that I said obstacles, as opposed to problems. It’s not that teachers view parents in general as “problems”, it’s just that most teachers understand that unless you’ve attempted teaching anything from whiny, tattle tale kindergarteners, to hormone crazed, sleep deprived teenagers, then you just don’t understand.

This is not really the fault of the parents…

I KNOW that if I were not or had never been a teacher, I would view things A LOT differently when it came to my child’s education.

What I am about to tell you comes from experience…as a teacher…but also as a parent.

My child’s teachers, on more than one occasion, have had to set me straight.

The purpose of this post is to HELP the parent/teacher relationship, not to HINDER. If our children’s best interest is REALLY at the top of our priorities, then wouldn’t we want to know how to help and best equip the people who share the responsibility of educating them?

So here are a few things that teachers wish parents knew:

1. We’re not in it for the money.

You’re shocked, I know. But really, it’s so obvious that parents forget it sometimes. Most teachers do not make NEAR what they are worth (and some make way more than they are worth, but that‘s for another blog post and another day), but sometimes parents think a teacher’s job is just like any other…and they have better hours to boot, eh?

Wrong.

Biggest myth EVER. Ask my husband and children. A teacher’s day does not end at 3:00. It’s not like a 9-5 job where you clock in and out.

Oh the hours I’ve spent on the phone after 3:00 to parents and students (helping them with assignments)…not to mention grading papers and preparing lessons up until the wee hours of the morning.

Why would a person do that? Love. We, as teachers, truly and honestly LOVE your children. And most of the time, we LOVE our jobs…and it requires the extra hours and we generally do not mind or we wouldn’t be in the educational field.

It is also important to remember that your child’s education is the only “product” that teachers create. It is ALL we have to show for our “work”. The student’s learning experience is very important to us. Our goal is to educate your child to the best of their ability.

2. We do not hate your child…regardless of what they tell you.

I was always surprised when a parent thought I was picking on their child. A parent told me one time, “My son says that you always point him out in class, telling him to stop talking”. I said “Yes, that is true”. She said “Why him?” …and here was my shocking answer…I said to her…. “because he is the one always talking…” (way, way more than the other kids, I might add).

He behaved differently than the other kids, but yet I was expected by his mother to treat him exactly the same. Another big myth (perpetuated by parents) is that all kids should be treated the same…..really? Do you REALLY want your child treated the same as the troublemakers? Or if your kid IS the troublemaker, do you really want him treated like the others and given a pass for his/her ill behavior….???

3. If you won’t believe everything your child tells you about us, we won’t believe everything they tell us about you…

Oh yes. Kids tell us stuff. And not just the 4 year olds. The 17 year olds leak a lot of information also. Many times, they inadvertently inform us of your marital discord, financial status, botox injections, and every bad habit you may acquire. Lucky for you, we teachers know not to believe everything they say. And don’t worry, most information is forgotten by the time the next class begins… most of it….

All we ask is that you return the favor and get the other side of the story before believing every word your child says, even if they’ve never told a lie in their whole life. Sometimes, it’s not so much that they lie, but they will certainly tell the story in a way puts them in the best light possible (you know, kind of like we used to do when we were kids).

4. We do not expect you to be perfect parents. Please do expect us to be perfect either.

Many teachers are parents themselves and certainly are not perfect teachers or parents. Please don’t have unrealistic expectations of us. We really can’t see every time that boy pulls your little girl’s hair and if she doesn’t tell us, how can we know, much less do anything about it?

We are human. We will probably make a mistake in grading, disciplining and yes, teaching. Remember that teachers have to simultaneously get the material straight that they are teaching, present it in the most entertaining/interesting light possible, have eyes in the back of our head, keep track of who just left to go to the restroom in an emergency, and all the while in the back our head, we are aching for little “Sally” in the back whose parents are going through a divorce or “Jonny” whose family just found out that his mother has breast cancer. It’s easy to have a momentary memory lapse, confuse names, misspeak, etc.

5. We don’t understand why you think your child wouldn’t misbehave, backtalk, or lie at school, even when you admit that they do same things at home.

How many times have I had a parent tell me: “well, she smart mouths us at home all the time, but I never dreamed she would do it at school.”? I want to scream DUH!…of course she will…especially if you let her get away with it. And even if you don’t and she’s the most polite person ever, when kids get around their friends, they sometimes become different people. Sometimes we see a totally different kid than you do.

During one of my very first parent conference in my first year of teaching, I watched a parent stand there with mouth agape as I told her how disruptive her older son, Sam (name changed for privacy), was in my class. I also taught her younger child. She said “I think you’re mistaken…you’ve got the wrong kid. Sam has never given me, nor his teachers any trouble. Now Bobby (the younger), he’s my troublemaker and I am constantly having to talk to his teachers.”

I couldn’t explain it to her, but her children acted very differently for me. Her usual trouble-making child was a perfect gentlemen in my class. I just said to her “well, maybe Sam thinks he can get one over on the new teacher.. who knows?”

The next day as I am teaching her younger (trouble-maker) child’s class, I see her peering in the window watching him. He was clueless. But, as usual, he acted just fine. After class I walked outside and asked her to come back after lunch and watch Sam’s class. She did. And per usual, he was very distracting to the class that day completely oblivious to the fact that his mom was watching…until…she burst into the room.

Oh yes, this is every teacher’s dream. Seriously. No, not parents barging into the room constantly…but…a parent catching their child acting like a buffoon in class and then DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. She grabbed him by the arm, fire shooting from her eyes and as the whole class (including me) trembled in fear, she marched him out into the hall. I am not entirely sure what she said to him or if she smacked him real good, but I do know one thing. That kid came back into my class that day and apologized to me, then to the class. He went to his seat and was the model student in my class until the day he graduated.

Moral of the story: It IS possible that your child acts differently (either bad or good) when you aren’t around. Yes, I am talking about you and your little angel.

6. We want you to be our partners, and no, not silent partners. We REALLY want you involved.

Studies have shown and teachers far and wide can tell you from experience that your child has a better chance of being successful if you are involved in their education. However, you shouldn’t be overly involved to the point to where you are packing your 10th grader’s back pack every night, but at LEAST have a clue what is going on.

7. Oh be careful big little mouth what you say.

This is a BIGGIE.

Do not EVER bad mouth your child’s teacher in front of them. EVER.

If/when you do that, you are undermining your child’s education, attitude towards authority and planting a seed of rebellion in your child that WILL come back bite you in the rear one day.

I am not telling you to never disagree with a teacher. I am telling you that if you have a problem with the teacher, TELL THE TEACHER FIRST. Discuss it with your spouse for sure, but that should be the only person you discuss the issue with or in front of BEFORE you talk to the teacher. And again, not in front of the kids.

I had a father of one my students tell me once “Don’t worry, I will always support you. Even if I don’t agree with something you do, I may come talk to YOU, but my children will never know that I disagreed with you.”

If you disagree with the teacher, fine…but, your child should never know. They need to see you two on a united front. Now, if it’s something the teacher believes/does that your kiddo KNOWS you don’t agree with, then you have an invaluable teaching moment there yourself. Explain to them that they aren’t going to agree with everyone on everything and you have to agree to disagree (unless, it’s a MAJOR issue, and in my experience, it’s rarely MAJOR).

From a teacher’s stand point, I can tell you that the kids with the most behavior problems in school were the ones where the parents constantly bad mouthed the teachers, never got the full story, and took what their child said at face value. I wanted to just shake the parents and say, “Wake up! You aren’t hurting ME, you’re hurting your own child, their education, and most importantly, their relationship with God, because you aren’t teaching them to respect authority.

And trust me, when you talk about the teacher in front of your child, they will almost always spill the beans to the teacher and sometimes it will be in a fit of rage when they aren’t getting their way. You ever been embarassed? I mean REALLY embarassed?? Well, just let your child show off some ill behavior and then announce to the school/world that they are just repeating you and you will know true embarassment my friends. If it doesn’t embarass you, then, well, we’ve finally nailed the problem then haven’t? It isn’t your child, it’s YOU.

Trust me when I say I speak as a teacher AND a parent. One when my oldest child was in Kindergarten, he was trying to verbally relay a message to me from his teacher. However, he was telling me while I was on the phone with the local post office over a very important missing piece of mail. I was not even listening to my child, because I was so wrapped up in trying to deal the incompetent postal worker on the phone. I was in tears and my child was still talking. Still ignoring him, when I hung up the phone, I yelled out loud “uggghhh!! She is such an idiot!!!” (Referring to the postal worker)…

Of course, my child stopped talking at that point and I figured it was because he saw my mood and would just tell me later. NOPE. The next day at school he told his teacher that he told his mommy what she (the teacher) had said and that his mommy got very angry and said that she (the teacher) was idiot. That was probably in my top 10 or most embarassing moments ever. Thankfully, my kid told me later that he told the teacher what I said (aaaaccccckkkk) and I was able to immediately call and explain/apologize…and even though it wasn’t about her, she didn’t know that and I apologized to her in front of my son and explained to him that he misunderstood me. But, what a lasting impression that would have left if he had continued to think his mom said his teacher was an idiot.

As I was writing this whole post, I was thinking “There is no way everything will fit into one blog post”. So these tips by no mean cover every thing. But, I hope at least it’s a start. Your child’s teacher is not your enemy. She/He isn’t your child’s enemy. The thought of that is utterly ridiculous if you thing about it. What person is going to go to college for 4 years, make pennies, work long hours, put up with so much crap, just because they hate kids and parents? Yet, so many parents think the teacher is only there to torture their child. I hope this will encourage you to take a step back and try to see things from a teacher’s point of view. If it only helps one child because their parent and teacher developed a better relationship, then it was worth it.

****NOTE**** My super sweet editor-n-chief-n-cousin edited this blog post for me last night. She fixed all the grammatical errors and typos. HOWEVER, I just inadvertantly deleted the whole thing after it was published. Thankfully, I had a saved a draft, but it’s from the pre-editing stage. I have republished it with rough draft errors and all. Please forgive the errors. I would attempt to correct them, but that’s how I ended up deleting the last post.

What Teachers Wish Parents Knew

Bladders, Herpes, and Scissors, oh my! The Democrats’ Guide to Beating the Bad Guys.

I am horrible person.

A wretched, wretched soul, I tell you.

An Indian giver.

I made a promise and didn’t keep it.

Sigh.

I promised over a month ago that I would continue the recap of the State of the Union Address in a “Part 2”.

And I had every intention.

Problem is…..I would have had to actually finish watching it.

And I tried, I REALLY, REALLY did.

But, a person can only ingest so many lies at one time before their head explodes.

Plus, it was hard to keep up because I was constantly destracted by the urge to glance around me to make sure I was:

(A) Still in America

(B) Not being punked by a bunch people who would eventually soothe my soul by saying, JUST KIDDING, this bag of lies isn’t really the president or

(C) Not in the worst nightmare ever and about to wake up….. 

And…..about the 27th Obama lie, I couldn’t take it any more.  I pushed pause on my remote and physically got up out of my chair and karate chopped the air the in front of the T.V. Oh, yes I did.

Ninja powers not withstanding, I simply decided I couldn’t take it anymore.

And then my personal life got super duper busy (identity theft anyone?) and a month or so later, here we are.

But, in the political world, all kinds of fun things have been happening.

Liberals have been imparting their wisdom from sea to shining sea.

Like, did you know that an STD, pair of scissors and your own urine are your best weapons against a rapist and/or shooter?

And that makes me angry at liberals.  Because I’m thinking WHHHHHYYYY didn’t you tell us this BEFORE??  Think of all the mass shootings that could have been stopped if someone would have had the presence of mind to grab a pair of scissors and stop the shooter.  Apparently, scissors have magical bullet stopping powers and the shooter is unable to pull the trigger of the gun when there are scissors in a 30 ft radius. Good to know. 

I am now going to enroll in scissor ninja training…because I want to be a big scary threat to future mass shooters and the liberals told me that would work.

I wonder if they know that I’m a darn good pillow fighter too… one more resume enhancement can’t hurt.

However, I find in REALLY dangerous terror situations though, rock-paper-scissors work best.  Almost as good as spitballs.

Moving along….

Now, if the bad guy doesn’t want to shoot you, but just wants to rape you, liberals have another set of brilliant ideas

Just think of all the rapes that could have been stopped in their tracks if women would have just said “I have herpes”. Boom. Problem solved.  Unless… your attacker has a condom on hand to protect himself.  But, really, let’s be honest.  There is a HIGH probability the rapist is a liberal.  And that means there’s an even higher probability he already has one STD.  Or 4. Or 20.  Whatever. But, see how I connected those dots??

And to be honest, I was surprised a liberal came up with the idea of using an STD as threat.  I always thought that was sort of a mating call for them…or in the very least, a turn on.

But, you could always still on pee on your attacker.

Unless you have a shy bladder.  Then all bets are off. 

Still I don’t see why we should poo-poo that idea all together.  #ImSoPunny

I mean just think, IF you can muster up a good pee (as opposed to say pepper spray or gunfire), then not only have you warded off an attacker, but you’ve managed to stay environmental friendly…because last time I checked, urine is all natural.

So, if you are about to be raped, pee on your attacker, then we ALL win.

Now… in summary, what have we learned today? First, I am very good at justifying my broken promises. Second, scissors scare really bad people holding guns. Third, rapists are really grossed out by other people’s bodily fluids.

And that, my friends, ends another lesson in stupidity liberal logic.

WetPants

The One Where Broncobama Talks FOREVER

State of the Union 2013 Recap PART I

I am going to recrap recap this as I watch it. This will prevent me from having to watch first and then try to remember all the glorious details…so….expect a “hold on” and a “pause” here and there in case I need to take a throw up break or something.

It’s not starting out well…I totally missed the grand entrance….grrrr….I HATE that. That’s one of the best parts every year. BroncoBama comes in with his posse, which I refer to as the Parade of the Communists, and the crowd goes wild. Grown men, who normally are addressed as “The Honorable”, literally climb on top of each other to touch the President. It’s like he’s Justin Beiber (if JB were a little more girly) and the bess-ed Congressmen are lustful tweens.

But, the best…the absolute best in the pregame show is always TX Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee and her crown weave. For those of you who don’t know, her crown weave is basically like a built in tiara. It’s pretty awesome.

You know who else needs a crown weave? Al Sharpton.

Seriously, Queen Sheila needs to hook him up. He and that dry perm be everywhere…

Back to the Congresswoman. She’s always such a delight to watch because she really thinks the President came there just see her. She is always just so giddy…jumping around like something itches…and you know…you KNOW…Obama is like “crap crap crap crap” through his clenched teeth smile as he approaches her…

But, seeing as how I missed the whole Parade of the Communists tonight, I have to play a pretend version in my head. So I’ll just recap the highlights of my version of his entrance.  And I know what you’re thinking….just get on with it…no one cares about the entrance…seriously, who gives a crap?

Well, I do, ok? I give a crap.

It’s always the highlight of the speech for me…unless someone yells “you lie”…and in that case, it is PAR-TAY TIME. Ahhhhh…the good ole days.

So, humor me…

Back to the show.

Well, looky there… Sen. Lindsay Graham just gave Obama a football buttsmack and I’m pretty sure he said, with a wink of course… “Go get em, champ!”

And the meet-up with Queen Sheila went as usual…and there was added bonus was when she and Obama did the hip bump and he told her “Go on girl!” while snapping his fingers.

Moving along.

Ok, first…the green ribbons.

Never let a good crisis go to waste and NEVER underestimate the Democrats and their ability to try to fool the American people…which…judging by the last election, ain’t that hard.

The green ribbons are in honor of the Sandy Hook Victims… Oh, so let’s see…I know what you’re thinking…why aren’t ALL the Congressmen/women wearing one? Seems that…uh… yep…only the Democrats are wearing them…

Well, that can only mean one thing:

REPUBLICANS HATE CHILDREN AND LOVE MURDERERS.

That is the only explanation…unless…and I have it on good authority, the Democrats didn’t even TELL the Republicans about the ribbons and only handed them out to Democrats. Those sly suckers…they almost had me there for a minute…but it IS totally believable that Republicans hate children. They LOVE guns and…duh…if you love guns, you MUST hate children, right?

BEHOLD!

The time has come….and after 30 minutes of applause and worship, Obama speaks.  And in true form, he begins with a lie by quoting JFK.

WARNING:  If you EVER attempt to quote a liberal, there is a 100% chance, you’ll be repeating a lie.

So JFK said something like “According to the Constitution, we should be partners for progress and not rivals for power”

Yea, except the constitution NEVER champions “progress”..or at least not the liberal definition of the word, which means “promoting socialist policies”….it does however mention POWER…and actually encourages DIFFERENT ideas and a power struggle. 

But…. I guess Professor Skeeter missed that day in 4th grade when they taught separation of powers and checks and balances in the Constitution.  Or maybe the Muslim school he attended didn’t bother with teaching the whole “Constitution nonsense”…

But, he might be on to something…you know what other nations have leaders who don’t have “rivals in power”?  China. Cuba. North Korea.

China… Communist?  CHECK.

Cuba… Communist?  CHECK.

North Korea… Communist?  CHECK.

But, nevermind that kiddos…because according to the President there is MUCH PROGRESS TO REPORT. 

-troops are coming home

-businesses have created like 6 million new jobs

-people with no income are able to afford houses again

-the government takeover of the healthcare system is almost complete

-Utopia is right around the corner…

-oh and also…unicorns are still farting skittles

I totally expected him to blurt out “IT’S ALL GOOD…LIFE IS GOOD, YO!”

And then I expected, in celebration of North Korea, that Obama would point to an unseen person in the risers and say “hit it now”,  queuing the music… and then Boehner to jump up and start doing the Gangnam Style horse galloping behind him.

But much to my disappointment, it didn’t happen.

And this is boring…

I mean really, if Biden doesn’t start picking his nose soon or something, I’m not sure I can hang…

Wait…my ears just perked up. He mentioned we need to grow the middle class. OK, this is getting out of my league here because now he’s getting into some voodoo magic stuff.

How do you add millions to the food stamp roll and at the same grow the middle class?

Oh, *wink wink* Broncobama, you wascally wabbit… by “growing the middle class”, you mean pulling some of those evil wealthy people… down into it… I see what you did there.  Well played, Comrade, well played.

OK, now he’s on to the “children”… and since I’m not drinker, I have nothing to get me through this…so, I’m gonna take a break and some pepto maybe and then I’ll come back for part 2.

Per usual, send all hate mail to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC